A FEW WORDS FOR SUPERVISORS

DEATH AND DYING

In the last few weeks in the Woodlands we have the tragic death of one teenager and the critical injury of another. On I-45 we also had the death of two Rice University debate students. Death among the young is difficult for all ages to handle.

The U. S. Department of Labor says that 30 percent of the workforce has some responsibility for an elderly relative, and a recent survey showed that 54 percent of the workforce anticipates taking care of someone during a chronic, long-term illness in the next 10 years.

Then there are the employees who are still working but are struggling with cancer or some other life-threatening illness.

One of the things that has happened is that as managers and supervisors have more to do and the people who work for them have more to do, we’re starting to lose some of our humanity in dealing with people who are dying or those losing someone they love.

How can you as a supervisor or manager help the dying employee?

• Try to gain an inner understanding of your own feelings about death, so you can better understand how the dying person feels.
• Respect the right of a person to handle death in his or her own way.
• Some are in denial. It’s okay to go along with their denial but not reinforce it. When you know an employee is very ill and tells you they’re fine, you may need to work with your HR department to explore STD or LTD.
• Don’t take anger personally. It’s part of the process.
• Help to relieve guilt. If lifestyle choices may have contributed to the illness, help the employee focus on the present and not the past.
• If the employee wants you to know he/she is terminal, don’t respond with "don’t say that. You’ll be fine." A more appropriate response is "That makes me very sad. What can I do for you?"
• Give of yourself to make the dying person’s life more peaceful. Listen, show you care, help the person conduct unfinished business when it is work-related.

How do you help family members when someone they love is dying or has died?

They need a lot of compassion whether the death is sudden or has taken a long time in coming. The preceding tips are also appropriate for family members.

Besides sending flowers, gifts, memorials and attending services when you can, consider the following:

• Even when you are uncomfortable, people need support. It is your presence, not necessarily your words that helps grieving people not feel so alone.
• Listen when they want to express their grief. Just reflecting this grief with "I’m so sorry," is helpful.
• Be supportive long after the initial crisis or the death. Often people re-experience grief on the anniversary of a loss. Occasionally stopping by their work station to ask someone how they are doing shows that you understand that dealing with loss is a long process.
• If grief seems excessive, encourage them to talk to the EAC.
• Be careful of cliches like "You’ll be fine," or "It’s God’s will." Rabbi Harold S. Kushner’s bestseller, When Bad Things Happen to Good People, is a helpful book for you or the grieving person to help figure out spiritual questions.
• Another book that effectively describes the grieving process is How to Survive the Loss of a Love by Colgrove, Bloomfield and McWilliams.